A Magical Morning

I put my bare feet to the cold floor as I unfolded out of bed this morning, first filled with angst at having to be the one to wake the day when so many others remained wrapped in the warmth of their beds. Then I sat snuggled in a fluffy robe and slippers on my porch, sipping my coffee in the tranquil, almost hypnotic silence and just breathed.

The experience was overwhelming: I breathed in the smell of Georgia pines and earth, I tasted the cold crisp air as it set fire beneath my breast only to have the rich warm aroma of my cup satisfy the momentary chill. I sat surrounded by the beauty that can be observed only between those precious moments where teh darkness surrenders to the light creating a masterpiece that could only be painted by the hand of God. I listened to the chattering of the leaves, passing our secrets from one swaying limb to the next like a game of grapevine. I wondered for a moment if the secrets would make it to the other end intact or if it would fall suit to the childhood game, the story growing more grand with each degree of seperation. A faint breeze swirled and choreographed a dance of fantasy and magic along the frost covered ground. It looked like sequined costumes glittering under the multicolored sky. I whispered, my breath transforming to mist with each barely spoken word, "Good morning, Morning."

I awoke to tranquility, peace, love, joy, and serenity today. I feel as though my Christmas came one day early and I wish everyone their own little piece today, and every day to follow.

Merry Christmas to All!

"Strangely Odd Friends"

I have this gentleman friend, obviously the second half of this "strangely odd friendship". We decribe it as being more than friends and less than dating. Yes, he is absolutely incredible in bed on the few rare occassions we have shared one. Our physical attraction has always been a mystery to me. He is older than I am and a bachelor by habit now, though he claims to be on a journey seeking "the relationship" that will have him settled down, married and even children. I do not fit his mold in even the smallest way. The women he dates are drama queens or princesses. Trophies for the white collard professionals. I'm not. I'm decent looking and enjoy my own array of attention, but I'm not his "type". He is very much my type physically, but socially incompatible. He lives in a condo in the city, and it takes me 2 hours to drive home from the city I work in every day to the dirt road leading to my home surrounded entirely by the thickness of nature. I'm bouncing off the walls and suffer from chronic insomnia, while you have to light a fire under him, once you get him out of bed. He has a calming effect on me. I have a motivating effect on him. We've never dated and we don't even run in the same circle of friends. While we know one or two of each others closest people, it's just he and I that connect us and continues to keep us where we are.

Yet somehow, for all of our differences, we share very important parts of our lives with each other and we work. It's what I think I would imagine an open marriage to be like. We share a seat on the emotional rollercoaster of the day, leaning on each other, finding strength from each other, and using one another to vent our frustrations and excitements alike onto. And no matter how many other rides we go on, together or not, we always find our way back. He is my forever, one and only, "Strangely odd friend". I'm not sure what I would do without him. I have come to need him in my life as I'm on the search for "the relationship" as well. I'm so greatful to have him in my life even if we are not quite sure what we are to each other. Strangely odd friends is as good a description as it gets, and works for me.

Now what...

I have a lot going on. Everyone has a lot going on. Lets face it, if you take your sad story and walk outside right now, within 5 minutes I guarantee someone else would top it.

But what I don't have is an outlet. Some way of purging today's problems to make room for tomorrows. I find comfort in listening to others peoples problems and giving them advise, I'm actually pretty good at it, but mainly because it allows me to skip out on my own, even if just for a little while.

I'm 30 years old. I have a son who will be 9 soon. I'm single and until recently considered myself permanently damaged by the past. It's only been about a year ago when I finally realized that scars are reminders of where you have been, not where you are going.

So I've finally put on my "big girl panties" and pulled up my boot straps and decided to get on with this thing called life....

Now what....