Reflection Pt. 1

These are the truths in which I seek from myself.

Reflection (without deflection) Pt. 1

I struggle with (for lack of a better word) "pretending" certain characteristics of myself for various reasons (not to hurt someone's feelings, not to be hurt, to impress, to be accepted,and probably most common in my own situations...it's what is expected...) to the point that when I look at myself in the mirror I'm not sure which ones are "me" and which ones I have been "pretending" for so long that they have become reflex?

How do you sort them out? I mean it shouldn't really be that hard Right?!? Hi "Ms. Much" I'm "Ms.Much","Nice to meet you Ms.Much, tell me a little about yourself"...then TA-DA! Deer-in-the-headlights! Beyond the superficial stuff od favorite icecream-Extreme Moose Tracks, the fact I hate flavored soda's and water, and I wear pretty pink lacy thongs even though they have never been properly introduced to a man (weak moment, kinda went with the theory of "if you buy then, they will come"), ok off topic....so past all that, there lies layer after layer after layer of "manufactured responses" to every single task that a person goes throughin every moment of every day. Some are taught like saying "ma'am" and "sir" to anyone older than you, give the pregnant lady the chair, etc. But there is also free will in us in which we choose and begin to shape our paths. It's what makes the. 5th generation son of a family of doctors choose to be an artist, the boy from the ghetto choosing to be the first to go to college, or the son of a racist who chooses not to hate,the straight A boy who hits homeruns in every game decides he likes a hit of meth more. Therein lies "ourselves". The whether good or bad, those have not been "manufactured responses", those were people taking ownership of themselves and, in turn, deciding who they are.

There are just so many layers to sift through and a constant frustration of, will I even know it when I see it.

Reflection vs. Deflection

Reflection is to seek truth

Deflection is to mask or hide the/from truth.

So if you deflect to allow yourself an opportunity to reflect in solitude and the deflection that is portrayed is actually the truth in which you hope to find, the deflection in itself is destructive to the reflection because it has tainted the "unbiased" position of the seeker to look at that which is being simultaneously reflected and deflected from a fantastical view. Truth is lost. The reflection is the true lie as the "seeker" waits for the deflection to become reality. Thus never finding truth, never waivering from the constant, and permanently rooted to the conformity of the situation.