Reflection Pt. 1

These are the truths in which I seek from myself.

Reflection (without deflection) Pt. 1

I struggle with (for lack of a better word) "pretending" certain characteristics of myself for various reasons (not to hurt someone's feelings, not to be hurt, to impress, to be accepted,and probably most common in my own situations...it's what is expected...) to the point that when I look at myself in the mirror I'm not sure which ones are "me" and which ones I have been "pretending" for so long that they have become reflex?

How do you sort them out? I mean it shouldn't really be that hard Right?!? Hi "Ms. Much" I'm "Ms.Much","Nice to meet you Ms.Much, tell me a little about yourself"...then TA-DA! Deer-in-the-headlights! Beyond the superficial stuff od favorite icecream-Extreme Moose Tracks, the fact I hate flavored soda's and water, and I wear pretty pink lacy thongs even though they have never been properly introduced to a man (weak moment, kinda went with the theory of "if you buy then, they will come"), ok off topic....so past all that, there lies layer after layer after layer of "manufactured responses" to every single task that a person goes throughin every moment of every day. Some are taught like saying "ma'am" and "sir" to anyone older than you, give the pregnant lady the chair, etc. But there is also free will in us in which we choose and begin to shape our paths. It's what makes the. 5th generation son of a family of doctors choose to be an artist, the boy from the ghetto choosing to be the first to go to college, or the son of a racist who chooses not to hate,the straight A boy who hits homeruns in every game decides he likes a hit of meth more. Therein lies "ourselves". The whether good or bad, those have not been "manufactured responses", those were people taking ownership of themselves and, in turn, deciding who they are.

There are just so many layers to sift through and a constant frustration of, will I even know it when I see it.