Do you know...

Do you know how much I want you? A longing that pulls my soul in your direction, like a river rushing, yearning to be part of the sea.

Do you know how much I burn for you? A never ceasing raging flame that scorches my heart and burns my hands when I battle to put them out?

Do you know how much I struggle? With a heart that is swollen and sore with how much I hold back just to be able to hang on.

Do you know how much I fear? Risking exposing my hidden truths at the risk of pushing you away.

Do you know how much I long? To know the truths inside of you.

Do you know how much it hurts? To choose not to fight, but take you, us, as we are, and let go of the fantasy that lives and breaths in my mind as a life of it's own.

Do you know I'm trying to let go? Can you feel it? Do you care?

Does it matter?

What the F@!? is that supposed to mean....

You know for a gender so known for spending half their adulthood (at least) with their foot shoved so far down their throats from saying stupid shit, you would think they'd just come out a SAY something.

Women are the cryptic ones! We hold the monopoly on beating around the f'ing bush until there is nothing but a hole in the ground where the damn bush use to be!

What the f@!? Does "strangely close" mean???

Friends with benifits? - nope, Mr. R shot that one down immediately.

Friends - nope "we're more than that" he says...

Dating - not according to the 26 year old tail he was chasing last week...

So WHAT??? What the hell am I supposed to take away from a comment like that?

Aaaarrrggghh!

Ms. Much goes Feng Shui

Hmmm... I think the best way to describe the world that I have created for myself is...chaos! I feel like so much of my time is spent in "re-active" mode as opposed to "pro-active".

So..It's Thursday. Nothing special about this Thursday, it isn't a holiday some where (well except for probably in Europe, Canada, or Mexico, where it seems everyday is a holiday of some kind)..but to me it is nothing but an ordinary Thursday in June. What a wonderful time to DO SOMETHING! Anything, even if it is wrong, to shake up my world a bit. Sometimes when you walk into a room that is cluttered, disorganized, and a plain out mess, you have to stir up a little dust and actually make it look even more a mess than what it originally it was to acheive that desired look, feel, and balance you want as your end result.

Ok, don't look at me like that. You know what I'm talking about!! When you are spring cleaning and you dump all of the contents of your drawers out on the bed and empty the contents of your night stand onto the floor!! It looks like a tornado came barrowing through. And you spend hours (maybe days depending on the depth of your wardrobe!) filtering and sorting, and making permanent decisions to toss or keep. Then slowly you progress one item at a time until you finally crawl under your newly washed sheets and comforter on your bed (which had now been moved from the corner of the room to beneath the window) and take in your new happy space.

So it's time to shake it up! Remove what de-motivators I can from my life and bring positive, balancing, peaceful, harmoneous, and motivating elements into my life.

Worth giving it a shot right? Got nothing to lose except my mind, and hell, it's presence is HIGHLY debatable at the moment.

Living in a 'Question Mark' World

Sometimes it not about asking the right questions, sometimes it's about finding the courage to ask the right questions and the strength to accept the answers. Without asking the questions you find yourself living in an impossible world of make believe, which while satisfying within the confides of your own mind, will leave your heart aching, body seeking, and mind in a constant state of confusion. Whoever said "Let a sleeping dog lie", never considered the fact it may not be breathing anymore....you'll find yourself wishing you had made the effort after it's too late.

Now all I've got to do is follow my own advise, easy right..?!@